Whose Benchmarks?; The Voice of Growth

I am too focused on my next move to worry about what everyone on earth is doing next.

I don't need to beat down who I was yesterday, or anyone else for that matter,  to grow.

I don't take advantage of the disadvantages of others.

I refuse to race against time, other women, or men.

I can only reach my next level, not anyone else's.

I compete with my own benchmarks,
My own comfort zones,
My own inner strength,
And my own voice.

These things, no one can take away
Except I give them away.

They are makeup my personal growth arsenal.

I am the voice of growth, the unbroken stride of purpose.

I mount with my feet holding fast to my milestones as I reach for my next level

I am the unstoppable voice of growth.

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currently listening to:
Tim McGraw's "Humble and Kind"

I hope this inspires you.

I AM NOT BROKEN

I AM NOT BROKEN

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” ~Sven Goran Erikkson

Let me fix you.

You really should try not to be so sensitive, Neemah. The world is sometimes a difficult and upsetting place, but you shouldn’t let it affect you so much.

Let me fix you.

You know, you really ought to spend more time with people, Neemah. It’s not good for you to be alone so much.

Let me fix you.

You know, you really shouldn’t make such quick, spur-of-the-moment decisions, Neemah. It’s not good to do that in life and you’ll end up regretting them.

Let me fix you.

You’re so young, Neemah. You should be out dancing and dating and having fun, not sitting home alone with another book.

Let me fix you.

You need to be more realistic, Neemah. I know you have big dreams for your career and life, but it’s not secure. We all have to do work we don’t enjoy, it’s just the way things are.

Let me fix you.

Thank you for trying to fix me. Now let me tell you this…

Let me tell you…

My greatest strength is empathy. I feel others’ feelings as if they were my own. Their pain is my pain. Their joy is my joy. I cannot help but cry sometimes and I cannot hold the tears in when I'm alone, as you would like me to, nor wait for a more convenient moment.

Please don’t try to fix me. My sensitivity is my gift.

Let me tell you…

I am an introvert and a thinker. Introspection is in my blood. Long periods of time alone are a joy to me. Where others might feel lonely, I feel replenished.

I ponder, I reflect, and I muse over the thousands of dreams and ideas that are always in my head. I’m filtering, planning, connecting the dots and making sense of the world around me

Please don’t try to fix me. My thinking is my gift.

Let me tell you…

I am a woman of action and I do not like to wait. Once my mind is made up there is no turning back. Where others might be stuck in indecision, I have moved ten steps ahead. My life is in motion and I am creating in the real world the dreams I have in my head.

Please don’t try to fix me. My ability to act is my gift.

Let me tell you…

The future is beautiful to me. I see all that is possible and all that I want to create. In vivid colour and in high definition it appears to me. Whilst others see all that is wrong and the reasons why not, I see all that is right and all that could be.

Please don’t try to fix me. My dreaming is my gift.

You Are Not Broken

For the longest time, I thought I was broken. I thought I had to change myself. I thought I had to behave differently. I thought that my way of being wasn’t the way of being. I wished I were someone else.

At school my reports went like this:

“Neemah is a wonderful student but she’s too quiet and needs to speak up more in class.”

In my nine-to-five office jobs it went like this:

“Try not to be so sensitive, Neemah. It’s not good to let people see you loose your cool at work.”

And when I handed in my notice, it went like this:

“You can’t go through life making rash decisions like this, Neemah,”

And even now, almost three years into my journey of creating my dream life, it goes like this:

“We believe in you, Neemah, we really do, but don’t you think it’s time to look for a more secure job?”

Everyone, everywhere, throughout my life has been ready with advice for me on how I should be.

Over the years, not knowing any better, I tried to bend myself to their suggestions.

I tried to be less sensitive. I tried to hold my tongue in. I tried to be less impulsive and less impatient. I tried to spend more time around people. I tried to tame my dreams.

But when I tried to do all these things, all I felt was pain and it didn’t make anything in my life work better the way people told me it would.

Finally, thankfully, today, I see the truth.

There isn’t and never was anything to fix.

The very things that others told me were my faults turned out to be my greatest strengths and my most beautiful gifts.

When I finally saw and embraced them as such, I was able to begin creating a life that encapsulated everything that I am instead of constantly struggling and trying to be something that I was not.

It’s true for you too. There is nothing to fix.

If you find yourself surrounded by people telling you should or need to be different, I hope these three short notes will help you let go of what they’re telling you and to embrace instead what is truly special about you.

1. You are not broken, faulty, or defective.

There is no right or wrong way to be. Each and every one of us makes sense of the world differently. The way you are may be different to those around you, but that does not make your way of being wrong.

Instead of trying to bend yourself to their suggestions, take note of what the people around you say you should be like. There is a very good chance that they are pointing the way to your most special gifts and the things that make you uniquely you.

2. Use your unique gifts to create a life you love.

When you recognize, understand, and accept your personal strengths, you have the opportunity to consciously and thoughtfully craft a life that is in alignment with those strengths, instead of trying to squeeze yourself into a mould you won’t ever fit into.

I didn’t see it at the time, but the pain I experienced in my office jobs were clear signs that I wasn’t where I was meant to be. The roles I was in didn’t value my biggest strengths and work often felt like a battle against my very nature.

By seeing, understanding, and accepting my own personal strengths and gifts, I have been able to create a business and life that allows me to freely be all that I am. You can do the same.

3. Forgive those who try to fix you.

Remember that those who are telling you to be more like this or less like that—it’s not their fault. They, too, are filtering everything through their own set of unique gifts. Go easy on them; they’re just doing their best, like the rest of us.

Listen to what they have to say, take anything that feels useful but go ahead and drop the rest without a second thought.

Let me tell you this, my friend…

There is nothing to fix and nothing to change.

It is in those qualities that others might find difficult to accept that you will find your power.

It is in the acceptance of those qualities that you will have the opportunity to not only create a life that feels right for you, but to have the greatest positive impact on the people and world around you in this short and precious life.

You are a gift to the world. Just as you are.
You are not a broken piece.

Teachers, Humanity, Culture and Religion

1) WHY DOES THE SPIRIT-FILLED BELIEVER NEED TEACHERS?

2) WOULD WE EVER GET TO THE POINT ON THIS JOURNEY WHERE OUR HUMANITY, RELIGION AND CULTURE SEIZES TO BECOME A THORN IN THE GROWTH OF TRUE SPIRITUALITY?

if you have ever had to think on these things, trust me, you are in good company. All of us, regardless of our current levels of responsibility, have at one time or another, pondered on these questions.

I hope the piece you are about to read sheds some light on these questions and somehow points you in the right direction.

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There have been times when there seems to be some inconsistencies in the experience of being a Believer and being born again.  For one, we are told that we are born again by the Spirit of God (John 1:13, John 3:5-8), which means that we are new Spiritual creatures (2 Cor 5:17).  As such, we should have new traits and abilities, which we will discover and utilize as we mature.

Jesus also told us that we will be given the Spirit of Truth, which will TEACH us all things and lead us into all truth (John 14:26, John 16:13).  Then John taught that if we have this Spirit, we do not need anyone else to teach us…(1 John 2:27)

So, I have to ask, why is there such a need and dependency of teaching in Christianity?  Why are most of the Believers today reliant on ministration from other Believers (Pastors), and do not seem to have the ability to hear and learn from God themselves (John 10:27)?  Why did Paul feel the need to teach soooo much, people who supposedly also had the Spirit of God, even telling them – “we have the mind of Christ!” (1 Cor 2:16).  If you do, would you need someone else to point it out to you?  Or was that just an inspirational talk, reminding them of what they knew already, to encourage them to persevere?

I often get the impression that being born again is more of a mental exercise than it is a Spiritual rebirth or awakening (consider Rom 7:25).  There is a lot of resisting of one’s own will and flesh.  Paul also told the Roman Christians that they needed to be renewed in their minds, and not to conform to the world (Rom 12:2).  It makes you wonder, is Christianity really “mind over matter”?  Is that true spirituality?

The Corinthian Church had a lot of issues with sexual immorality and needed Paul’s counsel and teaching on this to know how to manage their relationships and desires for marriage (1 Cor 5, 1 Cor 6 and 1 Cor 7 notably).  And there was the bickering and division over circumcision and water baptism that Paul had to squash, warning the Christians in Galatia not to seek to be justified by the Jewish Law (Read Gal 3 and 1 Cor 1:10-18).

Now, if these people had all received the same Spirit of God, by which they are saved and born again, why were they still so carnal and so undiscerning of the truth?  Did Paul, Peter, James and John receive a greater dose of this Spirit?  Or are there stages to being a Christian?

We can see that though Peter and the other Apostles had learnt under Jesus for three good years, they only became SAVED, i.e. BORN AGAIN, when they received the Holy Spirit Baptism about forty days after His ascension to Heaven (Acts 2:1-4).  Before that, they were simply Disciples of and Believers in Jesus Christ.  Later, they and all who followed them and believed and lived like them were called ‘Christians’ (Acts 11:26).

“How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?  And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!” (Rom 10:14-15).

Jesus commanded His disciples to go into all the world making DISCIPLES of men, teaching them to obey all that He taught them (Matt 28:18-20).  This is also a charge for us who have been saved, to go and make disciples.  We preach and teach, they listen and receive us and God’s Spirit of Truth, and are saved and born again – by God’s Spirit Baptism (Acts 1:5).  Before they receive the Spirit, they are mere disciples, but when they have been baptized by God, they are born again Believers, empowered also to minister.

I think this is where the confusion lies…counting disciples and believers, not yet born again, among the Saved or Saints.  As James said, it is not simply about believing, because even the devils believe and shudder (Jam 2:19).  And so, perhaps, what we have in Christianity is too many people remaining disciples and not receiving the Spirit which empowers them to MAKE disciples of others.  They are perpetually being fed (Heb 5:12-14)!

Paul said concerning them that they are carnal and he cannot give them meat, because they cannot comprehend, because they still need and crave milk (1 Cor 3:1-3).  They need constantly to be put through the basic rudiments of the Faith, and cannot walk in power as the sons of God they ought to be, as those born of the Spirit of God.

But when the Spirit of God comes, so does enlightenment.  Paul was an example of this.  He talked about how when he was converted and received the Spirit of God, he didn’t go to the other Apostles to either learn of them or confer with them, but went to Damascus to preach the Gospel (Gal 1:15-18)!  But who taught him?  My guess is the Holy Spirit.

It was the same Holy Spirit that filled Stephen with wisdom and understanding, who was the first to be martryed for teaching the Jews about Jesus, and their forsaken covenant (Read Acts 7).  However, Cornelius and the Ethiopian Jew, who were preached to and taught by Peter and Philip respectively, are examples that preaching and teaching are essential for making disciples of men (Read Acts 10 and Acts 8:26-40), and they are also evidence that IT IS GOD WHO BAPTISES, and saves by His Spirit (Matt 3:11) – ours is just to preach (1 Cor 1:17-18).

Those who are not saved need us to preach the Gospel to them, and if necessary, teach and defend our belief (1 Pet 3:15, 2 Tim 4:2).  And when they believe, they become disciples, who need further training, until the Holy Spirit comes upon them and they are born again.  For Cornelius and his household, it was instant, and they needed only preaching, but for others it was not (Acts 8:16-17, Acts 19:2-6).

The Scriptures tell us that “if any man has not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of His” (Rom 8:9), yet many believers operating in carnality are counted among the Saved.  This, I do not understand.

People have come up with doctrines about how our Spirit man is saved, while our flesh is still drenched in sin, and thus, we will be resisting the flesh until we receive our heavenly bodies.  I believe this doctrine is drawn from Paul’s own teaching in Romans about the Law and Sin and Grace, and his own struggle with the flesh (Rom 5, Rom 6 and Rom 7 notably).  Paul who was enlightened and experienced in these things was able to understand and teach others, who may also have had the Spirit, but were not yet able to grasp how they could still be prone to sin.  In this sense, I do appreciate that even having the Spirit of God ourselves, we can and should still learn from one another and grow in understanding of our spirituality.

Yet, this is different from teaching age-old born again Believers the basic principles of the Faith time and again.  God wants to be our Teacher and Minister, which is why He gave His Holy Spirit as our Comforter and Guide (Matt 23:8-11).  If we have the Holy Spirit, is it possible that we will turn to men again to teach us..?

I guess it is.  Since even with the presence of the Holy Spirit, great leaders, such as Peter and Paul have succumbed to sin (Gal 2:11-14).  So, disregarding the Spirit (for fear of being deluded or wrong) in order to follow men is a STRONG temptation and trap.  And it doesn’t help that there are FAR too many men, who are willing to replace the Holy Spirit in your life.  For them, as F. Remy Diederich pointed out in his book - Broken Trust, it is a need to validate their own gifting and ministry, rather than encouraging you to develop yours.

And I believe, this trap, this dependency, this “Man of God” syndrome, that results in those who have the Spirit of God living as though they do not, being reliant on others for revelation and direction, actually originated from the days of Peter, James, John and Paul.  It is a condition of humanity, religion and culture, a thorn in the growth of true spirituality, which requires that we be led by the Spirit of God (Rom 8:14).

Furthermore, in a climate of division, where false doctrines are creeping in, and disciples are being diverted away by false teachers, the need for those empowered by God’s Spirit to teach and Pastor cannot be undermined (2 Pet 2:1-3).  So, though it is true, as John said, that we do not need anyone to teach us, if we are able to discern the Spirit, we actually still need ABLE teachers and ministers to help us stay grounded (and this is also the reason we ought not to forsake fellowship with one another (Heb 10:24-25), in a climate of insincerity and rebellion.  It is also important for passing down GOOD tradition, from the elders to the novices (who are not allowed to take leadership roles lest they be taken by pride, due to their spiritual immaturity (1 Tim 3:6), that will preserve the true Faith against the tide of culture (Gal 1:8-9).

So, I guess I have answered my own question as to why those born of the Spirit of God would still need teachers of men.  Also, all babies need mothers and fathers to nurture them to grow, even spiritual babes.  Paul and Timothy had such a nurturing relationship, as Paul claimed to be Timothy’s father in the Lord (1 Tim 1:2).

However, sometimes (quite often, unfortunately), those who we rely on as parents end up overstepping their mark or abusing their authority in our lives (whether unintentionally or arrogantly).  This has resulted in a lot of malnourised, underdeveloped, abused and disillusioned children of God.  And this too, spiritual abuse, is a problem of humanity and religion that will not be done away with until we are rid of the flesh.

The key in navigating this risk and staying grounded is developing that personal link with God ourselves.  Jesus, though raised by Joseph and Mary, realised who He was at a very young age and developed His relationship with His true Father.  We must all do that, and no ‘Man of God’ can ever damage us or lead us astray, if we know who our Daddy is.  So, since we are all prone to be abusers or the abused, we must be careful to point everyone to the only infallible Minister – Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our Faith (Heb 12:2).

I hope this helped, May God help us as we abide in the Vine. Have a fruitful week.

PS: I'm aware I have been a little inconsistent 😀 and I am working on that👌. Very soon, I'll be able to boast of publishing a minimum of one post every week.
Thank you for being a part of my world despite 💞

6 year old Tominsin asked a strange question

What's the difference between Earth and the World? I was asked by Tominsin, my nail technician's 6year old daughter.

Easy question, I thought. But I kept stuttering, looking for clear and direct answers. I tried, actually, but I kept using the words interchangeably.

Since right now
Humans only live
Here on Earth,
The two words mean
The same thing
I answered.

But as days passed, I found myself thinking on her question. I looked back at my life and discovered the two words to be vastly different. Earth is the planet we inhabit, yes, but the World is a unique plane of existence to each person. As we become regulars at hair and nail saloons, churches and fellowship centres, restaurants and coffee shops, hangout spots, grocery stores and neighborhood markets; as we plant roots, build connections, find love, and birth babies, the World quickly becomes Our World; mini colonies.

I have found that certain worlds can become as narrow as hallways; and these passages I walk through, the worlds I know, can begin to feel constrictive.

The truth is, I've outgrown many worlds on planet Earth, only to begin again. Earth provides the air we need to fill our lungs, but our Worlds give us every reason to breathe deep. We must be mindful not to take anything for granted on the exhale. We must be stewards of the Worlds we inevitably build around ourselves.

So when next I find myself sitting next to Tomi who would always scoot over to my side of the table as her mom does my manicure, I would find the words, to make clear to her six-year old brain, the difference between the planet and her world. I hope to plant some seeds in her young mind on the laws of personal responsibility, accountability, association and consequence.

I recall such wise words like:
He who walks with the wise shall be wise.
Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are.
Scriptures like Psalms 1 and the likes.
Her young mind should be able to chew on these ones atleast.

Unapologetically Authentic

“Life is too short to be constantly worried about who's approving and who's not approving of what you do. Chances are that those who are too worried about what you're doing with your life are the same people that are insecure about their’s.”

Seemingly, people are always going to be bothered about what you did or did not do. Either way, someone is always going to be unhappy or overly unsatisfied.

However, the beautiful thing about life is that once you start living the life you're meant to live, unapologetically, positively, beautifully, and freely, you create a version of yourself never imagined before.

That is probably the most freeing thing you could possibly ever experience.

Don't get me wrong, it's not going to be easy. You're only human.

As a human being, you're going to feel things.

But just remember that you don't have to give someone else the satisfaction of controlling your life.

You're in charge.

I'm not saying to go out and be crazy and call for unnecessary attention. I'm just saying that if you constantly feel like you're censoring yourself and not fully committing to an authentic life because of other people's opinions, then perhaps it’s time to change.

Eliminate those that stifle you, strive to be around positive people that support you, and be unapologetically yourself.

I guarantee you that your life will not be the same.

The Defense of Silence

Saying nothing is often the best defense.

The power of silence is a tactic it has taken me years to appreciate. My nature is to be understood, get my point across and sometimes because of a variety of past incidents defend myself with vigor.

For most of my life I have taken the position that verbalizing, often loudly or strongly on paper is the best way to accomplish this.

It is just now, about 1095 days to my– gulp- third decade that I have truly learned, that the old axiom “the less said the better” is often times the best way to go.

It’s hard for me. I will not lie. And, as always, my lack of tolerance for laziness, inefficiency, and incompetence  has often resulted in my “giving my two cents.” Two cents I have learned few people could care less about. The fact is I could have started my own hedge fund with the two cents I have been tossing around over the years 

Most people do not want their faults pointed out to them; nor do they want to face things they may be hiding from. If they have a very well constructed defense mechanism in place the last thing they want is for someone to come in with their “two cents” in an attempt to deconstruct it.   And if the unkind and the thoughtless and in some cases the truly demonic, yes, there are demonic folks out there, (and they get their point across in a variety of ways) I have finally learned that by firing back at them does nothing but get them all charged up and reaching for more of their own ammo; which if your nature is to fire back only results in an out and out battle. None of this really accomplishes anything, just one elephant running around in fury and another one trying to talk sense to it.

In the  tents of the circus called my life, one of the elephants got loose last week and decided to go on a rampage.

There was a time when in self-defense I would have taken my stun-gun of choice – the only one I really know how to use, words and fired back.  But I didn’t.  I just sat back and did nothing.

While the elephant did not voluntarily go away, the result was it went back to it’s own tent unable to do the kind of damage it had set out to do.

While I don’t believe or advocate rolling over and playing dead, letting yourself be a doormat, or even not defending yourself against attack, sometimes, silence is really the best counter attack.

But silence from strength not fear, and that is where they part company. Silence out of fear is weakness, while silence that comes from a place of choice is strength.

I do not believe the meek shall inherit the earth. I don’t believe the meek get to do much of anything; they will for sure never work at Goldman Saks, be politicians, good doctors or lawyers, or accomplish much in the long run. From what I have seen the meek will merely get trampled or end up in the back of the room. Sometimes, not always, the bullies are meek characters in disguise. And they don’t inherit much of anything either when the final accounting is in.

I believe turning the other cheek is sometimes necessary but all you end up with is two bruised cheeks. The good news is bruises go away and there are many good cover-up creams on the market.

One thing I have learned is  shooting my mouth off whenever I feel attacked has more often than not gotten me into worse trouble than I really wanted or needed.

The problem with email and, more recently, social media, is it makes it very easy. In the old days you either had to pick up the phone, and phone calls cannot be forwarded, reread or held onto.  Words do often evaporate into the ether and it’s easier to erase their damage.

The old fashioned letter, something I still love took time. You had to write it, re-read it then often times rewrite it.  And if it was incendiary in anyway, one was taught to “sleep on it.”  The result often being with the next day came clarity, which often softened the anger or need to defend so strongly.

But now, now we have our handy-dandy devices and we can fire off a response to something the minute it pops into our world. We don’t even have the car ride home to think about it.

I truly wonder how many of us have sent emails and TL updates that we would have never sent had we not been able to do it in the moment.

We are a generation of if not full-disclosure than a lot of it ~   says the girl who will pretty much say anything. And I don’t think that is a bad thing. I think many lives are lived too deep in the shadows. I think many lives are ruined because the shadows become the reality and the reality becomes the shadows.

But that does not mean that our greatest strength does not sometimes come from saying and doing nothing.  I have spent my life thinking if they “just understood things would be different.”

I am now learning that if things were different they would in fact be different. But my yelling about it is not going to make it so.

I hope this settles on the heart of someone and engineers a change as indelible as mine.

That said, I'm glad to announce that there is something in the works for next year. For those that will find some meaning in my blog posts and my bants on social media, 2018 is the year of serious exposé for me.

You are welcome to join my circus.

Dear believer, what exactly are you doing with all this angst against the Church?

* The responsibility of the Church is to create an enabling environment for Spiritual growth

* The responsibilitIES of the believer are to:
- locate a Christ believing and word teaching Church
- submit to the leadership of the choice church
- pursue service and add value to the body of Christ (and not just through service units in church)
- feed on the word and enlist the help of the holy ghost to help him mature into the stature of Christ.

Dear believer, it is not your responsibility to receive account from your spiritual leader concerning his responsibilities and his calling, leave that to the righteous Judge who put him in office.

Quit trying to defend the Gospel by running campaigns against its teachers. God gave them to the body of Christ as gifts, let Him decide when their platform becomes obsolete - He knows just what to do.

When you want to lash out because you believe that your leader's calling is not legitimate, remember that God is neither deaf, blind nor helpless.

Rather, focus on Jesus and your own growth into His stature, pray that His will be done, focus on making the right choices about your relationships and environments - including the choice of church to belong to.

Before you determine which church to belong, know that its never about you and your ideas - you would be required to look beyond yourself to the desires of God. Yes!!! God ACTUALLY has a purpose for you there. It doesn't necessarily have to be an obvious or conspicuous assignment, it might just be that some of the persons you need (to meet to be encouraged towards your on purpose) are in that church.

This few steps will help you make a choice:
~ Is Jesus at the centre of their worship/faith?
~ Is the Word recognised and acknowledged as the final authority of the believer?
~ Can you submit to the leadership there?
~ Does the church encourage your growth towards the stature of Christ?
~ for extra measure, pray in the Spirit until you have a release on your inside - that inner witness is simply bae 💖 (pay no mind to my playful self, it just had to shine somehow despite my serious effort to keep her tucked safely in throughout this post. This would be one of those serious topics I would usually prefer to just sidestep but .......that voice inside me won't let me rest so I decided to treat as 'SACRED').

* if you answered NO to the above questions, please continue your search but, by all means, refrain from slandering church leaders.

If God requires you to be His mouthpiece(which is very uncommon), He will tell you clearly, grow you into a man of restraint and discipline yourself, then give you the rare wisdom (bear in mind that this kind of wisdom will be a lot like hot coals on your lips)to speak His heart on the matter.

That said, are you sure you should continue your campaign against your church/leaders for what you believe they haven't done that should be done? For what you believe they have taught/emphasized wrongly?
Wouldn't you rather focus on Jesus? And leave the appraisal to the one who will sit as Judge and, as Heb 13:17 puts it, the one to whom these leaders must give account?

I encourage you to keep growing, the body of Christ has faced challenges greater than this in the past, believers will continue to be criticized and persecuted in varying degrees (are you aware that in some communities today, some believers are still being slaughtered for their faith? Our martyrs aren't just the ones listed in scriptures or revered in our history) but the good news is that our Faith prevails and so our focus should remain true, our ideals should remain christ-centred. And above all, we should remain relevant to the body.
May our light not be put out by the wind of offence sweeping through the land.

And until we come to unity with the father on that day, keep the faith, read your bible too and commune with your maker.

You will succeed!!!

Selah!!!
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In other unrelated news, you see, I already believe I am one of the 'goofiest'  bloggers you'll ever know so don't even try to judge me.
But who knows, maybe someday the blogging bug will bite me for real and I'll suddenly wake up with a dedication to this thing 😋 until then sha, I'll keep on sliding in here 'once in a year' like its some anniversary.

Speaking of anniversaries tho, I'll be celebrating the gift of life pretty soon. This girl would be completing another 365 days on planet earth. Maybe, just maybe, i'll drop by again on that day. S/O to all December babies, that's the only month on the AWESOME calendar.

I know i'll blog again when next the madness becomes too much and I can't contain the words anymore 😹😹😹😭😭😂😂.

Okay, bye.

You break my heart, you do...

Break my heart with what breaks yours Lord!!!
I heard this phrase at a gathering of believers recently. It was an evening of worship.
Some were in tears, some others in varying positions of complete physical and emotional surrender.
In this gathering, i wasn't just a spectator, I had my own heavy bout of emotions, they hit me in waves of hurt, anger, frustration, misery, pain, helplessness.... I remember so clearly how desperate I was to be accepted, loved, cleansed, forgiven, helped, empowered.... I wanted to be totally branded by Gods love for me.
Though i couldn't shed a single tear, every beat of my heart that evening was desperately crying out to God, as though to make him see, hear and know how much I needed him, how much I had tried to do right, how much I still strive despite the contrary systems I find myself in daily. I would have given anything to give God a playback of some of my struggles...
At this point though, a consciousness hit me....I became aware of how totally stupid I was for thinking I could prove to God that my heart was in the right place and that its my flesh that won't let me 'drink my water and keep my cup in peace'.
I became aware of how pointless it is to try and report to him the corporate, contemporary and even religious or spiritual climate we all find ourselves and how they sometimes hinder our growth in the faith.
I suddenly remembered that HE IS GOD. He who made the eyes, whose spirit hovers over us all as if in constant marination - he knows all things, sees all things, is omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient.....HE SIMPLY IS!!! that was it. My desperation ebbed and I felt sweet peace, my nerves began to relax some.
And then I knew I wasn't alone. I knew God is just too 'Goddy' to trust that I could measure up to His mark on my own without his help.

Its was as though he was saying to me ' why do you think I gave up all I had? What do you think Jesus became flesh for? Do you really believe I just enjoy watching death by crucifixion? Was his sacrifice a show for me? An amusement of some sort?'
At this point, the free thinker in me had some questions. So i said to him, 'oya, Jehovah, lets compare notes. Bring me up to speed because i am not understanding. Why have you just been chilling and watching me till now?, did you absolutely need the drama?, me almost in tears? Hadn't you seen my heart all along? Did I have to put up a show for you just so you can see me broken?'
Hmmm, brethren and sisteren, there was absolute silence at this point. The music and instruments were still on, the assertive voice of the minister could still be heard over the microphone as he declared the spoken word over and over, with his words  deliberately chosen to reach our hearts and lead us to reach for Gods mercy and grace. But none of that registered with me. I was in the middle of what seemed like a court hearing with God. I had pleaded for mercy, I wanted him to know I choose LIFE, I choose HIM. If only he'll respond. I just couldn't grasp why I had been struggling for so long with all I had known of salvation.
Why did he have to condemn me when Christ had paid? Couldn't he just miraculously enable me to live victorious without my heart breaking?
E gba  mi fah, Jesu ti Ku, o ti ra emi mi pada, so why did God had to make me sorry for a sin that's been paid for?
Still no response!!!

And then my carelessness hit me square in the face. My 'gbese o kan mi' attitude. I realised He needed me involved. The condemnation was needed so I won't get anything twisted. So it could be clear that the work of grace was my only hope. I wont be forgetting this in a long time. What he did that day was to open my eyes, make me clearly aware of the nature of sin. I learnt how hopeless it is to try to play the blame game:
- My job requires that I lie ever so often
- There are friendly enemies everywhere so I am required to be strong and sometimes take laws into my hands
- There's so much injustice in the world, even in our religious systems, and I sometimes feel the urge to hurt the wicked in defence of the helpless.
Blah blah blah...
All of the above sound like justification to sometimes fall short right?
It sure appeals to a realist like me how impossible it is to keep all of the law given our anti-growth and far-from-enabling environment.
Hence the logical justification for the believer who has tried to beat the system, who has tried not to conform to it but has been beaten at every turn.

And at this point, some would entertain the thought of giving up the fight and joining the band wagon. Sounds much better than always being the odd man out, always going right when everyone else is taking the fun-ride left.
It sure would feel much better to forget the law all together. Condemnation is not a desirable thing and if that's all there is, we'd much rather leave Gods law in the pages of the bible than in our hearts, weighing on our conscience with no respite in sight.

But alas!!!..... There is hope. Some good news. Or, put more correctly, the only GOOD NEWS that exists- its that
Although God has perfection as a standard and he requires us to turn away from sin and its nature that seems binding on us, condemnation is not the end. Oh noooo. He requires us to be aware and consequently, feel remorse.
He requires that we do not irresponsibly wait on him to miraculously do the work for which He has blessed us with a conscience.
If we expect God to freely grant us 'bail' from the consequence of sin without first convicting us, we would be much better waiting on the devil himself to bring us our crown. Independent of our will and conscience, salvation would not be effective ... Ko ni work o
We need to know the poverty of the flesh, to study his precepts and become aware of our shortcomings, for us to fully grasp the hopelessness of living without the help of His spirit.
Faith in Christ will be of lip service only if you do not feel the need to hate sin - the need that's realized when we present ourselves before His word and let it pass through us as though to X-ray us. To instruct us in our judgement of right or wrong, to be our yardstick for discerning even though we will not be able, without his help, to keep all of his dictates......we need the knowing.

studying the word readies us for the goodness of Grace made available, free of all charges, except the charge of total and unwavering FAITH in Christ. But this journey begins with condemnation.  The books of Ezekiel, Daniel, Romans, Revelations - for instance - are great books that should make a growth-conscious believer humble enough and desperate enough to reach for Him and keep reaching. That's been my experience atleast

The book of Ezekiel  for instance (translated means 'God will strengthen and enable') is an x-ray of some sort, into our condition in the flesh. It teaches: repentance as a condition to salvation( ez. 18: 30-32), the freedom and responsibility of the individual soul before God( ez. 18: 20-32), the necessity of the new man- in heart and in spirit (ez. 11: 19, 18:31, 36:26). Most importantly, it depicts Gods plan for our redemption as complete in him and not in our efforts alone.

Another precedence that establishes the necessity for a believer to become fully aware of the poverty of the flesh is Paul's epistle to the Romans.
He first makes it clear that the Gentiles are condemned and then in chapter 2, that the Jews are also condemned. In chapter 3, he concludes that the whole world is condemned; and on this backdrop, haven made a mockery of self righteousness, written something close to a final year thesis on condemnation and portrayed the total hopelessness and helplessness of the Adamic nature, Paul began to paint the beautiful picture of justification.

As Ebele UzoPeters puts it, Paul summarises all he had been saying about condemnation in Romans 3:23 and everything he was going about to say about justification in 3:24.

Romans 3:23&24 therefore stand as the summary of the teaching on condemnation and the teaching of justification, and show their proper relationship. To understand those two verses is to understand Romans 1:18 - 5:10.

Its not enough to chant 'break my heart with what breaks yours lord' as though in a song or creed, we have to go further deliberately take responsibility enough to read the word and learn what breaks His heart.
So that when he gives us compassion for the helpless, the sick e.t.c, we know its a burden that should go beyond our negative feelings and translate to charity. When he shows us how pride has almost taken us over, the feeling of remorse will translate to an actual redress of actions and thought.

The word; that force that's powerful enough to show us our folly irrespective of our social, economic, political, corporate or relational standing, is Gods guarantee that no one should remain blinded or ignorant, not even by reason of positions conferred on us by mere men based on merit.
I have imagined, at times, the possibility of continuing in a wrong ignorantly with no one to give me a heads up or a warning and I know this has to be particularly true for people in positions of authority or leadership - where no one dares correct them, at least not to their hearing, for fear of slighting their office. But what a joy to know that God has it covered. His precepts are after all available to all.

So we study to rightly divide the word of truth so that we may clearly understand our need, in all things, to depend on his grace and the spirit's enablement.

Put differently, let His word break your heart and know that you are not alone or helpless. Then and only then can the work of Christ be wrought in you through faith.

Condemnation is not a monster but the beginning of our growth. Our love walk is made more effective when we let His word work in and through us continuously, shaping, pruning, correcting, instructing and guiding.

The growth conscious believer is not one satisfied with brief emotional encounters in church or content to feed only on the timed sermons squeezed between different events on Sunday mornings.

I have written more than I set out to share already so in concluding I'd say that I have tried to delicately sidestep the sensitive discussions on the doctrine of condemnation  and doctrine of justification as a work of GRACE alone.
And although there have been varying interpretations of these doctrines in recent times and various sects have taken their foundation from these doctrines, some taking one independently of the other, my take on it would be to be mindful lest our foundations be pulled from under us by preoccupation with doctrines. There is one Lord, one Son, one Spirit. The word is available to all and the spirit of God is not divided between doctrines, tribes and/or denominations.

Disclaimer:
The above is an experience shared, a lesson learned. Its not to be taken as a doctrine neither is it meant to instruct. I hope though, to establish the generality of our condition, to tell the growing believer that he is not alone, that his questions are not peculiar to him, that our faith works and the word of God is a  priceless resource - in its totality!!!

Relationships, Accountability and Confrontation

The fear of disagreeing in relationships is universal. Sadly though, there can be no improvement without confrontation. Even in the usually regimented corporate relationships, we all have to learn to be willing to express our opinions.
I was discussing with my friend of over 10yrs recently on this matter and we could not agree on the issue of confrontation.

These Nagging Questions Remained Unanswered:

1) Should you just walk away and assume character flaws are deliberate and can't be helped?

2) are there degrees/levels of shortcomings that can't be helped?

3) is your level of commitment directly proportional to the level of patience and tolerance you would have and your willingness to help others improve?

4)when should you confront?

5) if you should/must confront, how do you do it constructively?
- would you wait until you think you have all the facts? (Sensers would probably do but intuitives  would most likely prefer to get it out of the way)
-if yes, just how long do you wait till it becomes too late to act/ask?

The fact is that it is not only possible to disagree with others without endangering your relationship, but the willingness to do so could put you on the fast track to success. What we tend to forget is that most relationships thrive on constructive feedback and the contribution of original ideas.

The key lies in why and how that disagreement is communicated. This tips can help you navigate those waters successfully

- Make sure you are disagreeing for the right reason: Too often, we disagree to compensate for our own lack of authority, without a good reason or an end goal in mind. Disagreements that have a valid context and add real value can be a big plus.
-Disagreeing is not about arguing but making an argument: framing disagreements as logical and thoughtful arguments in favor of a better approach to situations or  new ideas guarantees better reception.
Avoid attacking other people’s views or complaining and focus instead on making your own constructive points.
-Be passionate but not emotional. Arguments are more convincing when they are delivered with passion. The listener needs to feel that you genuinely care about your suggestions, believe in your perspective, and are willing to take ownership of it. But that doesn’t need to involve an excess of emotion, which can make you look hysterical and make others feel pressured. A clear, confident, and calm presentation will have the best impact.
-Speak in the same language: Some people are extreme sensers, they thrive on facts and data whereas others are more intuitive. Knowing your personality as opposed to others will help you relate better and communicate your argument more effectively. If you think in numbers, then a numerical argument might persuade you of a different viewpoint whereas a purely gut-based presentation will meet with instant skepticism, the same goes for others.

my submission would be that constructive confrontation is always right. Care should be taken that issues are not left to fester and blow up out of proportion. When in doubt, ask.

*reason, context and consideration - my most recent companions.

The mothering cycle

Dear Mother, 

         Please,  stop teaching your daughter that it's her job to fix her man! Who will fix her, when she is busy fixing another?
      
         Momma, stop telling her that she's the home builder! Tell her that she will work hand in hand with her husband to build her home.

Our society today is littered with over-burdened wives, mothers,  sisters and daughters.  They are wearied,  they are stressed and drained,  from having to fix themselves and as well fix an adult who ought to be fixing himself and fixing things around the house.

Look around you,  you've succeeded in raising strong daughters and weak sons.... Sons who grew to become nonchalant men,  men who rather feast while the women work.

Ma'am,  teach your son that it's his job to provide for his family,  totally,  exclusively,  that way,  he won't expect his woman to share family responsibilities with him.
When such expectations aren't there,  he will very much appreciate any input she makes.

Teach your son that he's the sole protector of his home,  that will make him not run off to chase pleasure with the idea that "my wife will handle it".

Mama, teach your son that loving his wife is a daily affair,  and he must make her feel loved,  in every sense of the word....

Dad,  make your son understand that he's not done anything for his children,  until he loves their mother fully.

Papa,  raise your son,  by loving his mother purely... When he sees you doing it right,  he will do it more right in his marriage.

Daddy, teach your son never to depend on a woman.  That way,  he will never look at a woman as his support,  he will put in all his best to be there for his family.

Mom and Dad,  raise your sons,  to be the picture of the husbands you desire for your daughters!

I AM NOT BROKEN

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” ~Sven Goran Erikkson

Let me fix you.

You really should try not to be so sensitive, Neemah. The world is sometimes a difficult and upsetting place, but you shouldn’t let it affect you so much.

Let me fix you.

You know, you really ought to spend more time with people, Neemah. It’s not good for you to be alone so much.

Let me fix you.

You know, you really shouldn’t make such quick, spur-of-the-moment decisions, Neemah. It’s not good to do that in life and you’ll end up regretting them.

Let me fix you.

You’re so young, Neemah. You should be out dancing and dating and having fun, not sitting home alone with another book.

Let me fix you.

You need to be more realistic, Neemah. I know you have big dreams for your career and life, but it’s not secure. We all have to do work we don’t enjoy, it’s just the way things are.

Let me fix you.

Thank you for trying to fix me. Now let me tell you this…

Let me tell you…

My greatest strength is empathy. I feel others’ feelings as if they were my own. Their pain is my pain. Their joy is my joy. I cannot help but cry sometimes and I cannot hold the tears in when I'm alone, as you would like me to, nor wait for a more convenient moment.

Please don’t try to fix me. My sensitivity is my gift.

Let me tell you…

I am an introvert and a thinker. Introspection is in my blood. Long periods of time alone are a joy to me. Where others might feel lonely, I feel replenished.

I ponder, I reflect, and I muse over the thousands of dreams and ideas that are always in my head. I’m filtering, planning, connecting the dots and making sense of the world around me

Please don’t try to fix me. My thinking is my gift.

Let me tell you…

I am a woman of action and I do not like to wait. Once my mind is made up there is no turning back. Where others might be stuck in indecision, I have moved ten steps ahead. My life is in motion and I am creating in the real world the dreams I have in my head.

Please don’t try to fix me. My ability to act is my gift.

Let me tell you…

The future is beautiful to me. I see all that is possible and all that I want to create. In vivid colour and in high definition it appears to me. Whilst others see all that is wrong and the reasons why not, I see all that is right and all that could be.

Please don’t try to fix me. My dreaming is my gift.

You Are Not Broken

For the longest time, I thought I was broken. I thought I had to change myself. I thought I had to behave differently. I thought that my way of being wasn’t the way of being. I wished I were someone else.

At school my reports went like this:

“Neemah is a wonderful student but she’s too quiet and needs to speak up more in class.”

In my nine-to-five office jobs it went like this:

“Try not to be so sensitive, Neemah. It’s not good to let people see you loose your cool at work.”

And when I handed in my notice, it went like this:

“You can’t go through life making rash decisions like this, Neemah,”

And even now, almost three years into my journey of creating my dream life, it goes like this:

“We believe in you, Neemah, we really do, but don’t you think it’s time to look for a more secure job?”

Everyone, everywhere, throughout my life has been ready with advice for me on how I should be.

Over the years, not knowing any better, I tried to bend myself to their suggestions.

I tried to be less sensitive. I tried to hold my tongue in. I tried to be less impulsive and less impatient. I tried to spend more time around people. I tried to tame my dreams.

But when I tried to do all these things, all I felt was pain and it didn’t make anything in my life work better the way people told me it would.

Finally, thankfully, today, I see the truth.

There isn’t and never was anything to fix.

The very things that others told me were my faults turned out to be my greatest strengths and my most beautiful gifts.

When I finally saw and embraced them as such, I was able to begin creating a life that encapsulated everything that I am instead of constantly struggling and trying to be something that I was not.

It’s true for you too. There is nothing to fix.

If you find yourself surrounded by people telling you should or need to be different, I hope these three short notes will help you let go of what they’re telling you and to embrace instead what is truly special about you.

1. You are not broken, faulty, or defective.

There is no right or wrong way to be. Each and every one of us makes sense of the world differently. The way you are may be different to those around you, but that does not make your way of being wrong.

Instead of trying to bend yourself to their suggestions, take note of what the people around you say you should be like. There is a very good chance that they are pointing the way to your most special gifts and the things that make you uniquely you.

2. Use your unique gifts to create a life you love.

When you recognize, understand, and accept your personal strengths, you have the opportunity to consciously and thoughtfully craft a life that is in alignment with those strengths, instead of trying to squeeze yourself into a mould you won’t ever fit into.

I didn’t see it at the time, but the pain I experienced in my office jobs were clear signs that I wasn’t where I was meant to be. The roles I was in didn’t value my biggest strengths and work often felt like a battle against my very nature.

By seeing, understanding, and accepting my own personal strengths and gifts, I have been able to create a business and life that allows me to freely be all that I am. You can do the same.

3. Forgive those who try to fix you.

Remember that those who are telling you to be more like this or less like that—it’s not their fault. They, too, are filtering everything through their own set of unique gifts. Go easy on them; they’re just doing their best, like the rest of us.

Listen to what they have to say, take anything that feels useful but go ahead and drop the rest without a second thought.

Let me tell you this, my friend…

There is nothing to fix and nothing to change.

It is in those qualities that others might find difficult to accept that you will find your power.

It is in the acceptance of those qualities that you will have the opportunity to not only create a life that feels right for you, but to have the greatest positive impact on the people and world around you in this short and precious life.

You are a gift to the world. Just as you are.
You are not a broken piece
You are not on a broken road