Relationships, Accountability and Confrontation

The fear of disagreeing in relationships is universal. Sadly though, there can be no improvement without confrontation. Even in the usually regimented corporate relationships, we all have to learn to be willing to express our opinions.
I was discussing with my friend of over 10yrs recently on this matter and we could not agree on the issue of confrontation.

These Nagging Questions Remained Unanswered:

1) Should you just walk away and assume character flaws are deliberate and can't be helped?

2) are there degrees/levels of shortcomings that can't be helped?

3) is your level of commitment directly proportional to the level of patience and tolerance you would have and your willingness to help others improve?

4)when should you confront?

5) if you should/must confront, how do you do it constructively?
- would you wait until you think you have all the facts? (Sensers would probably do but intuitives  would most likely prefer to get it out of the way)
-if yes, just how long do you wait till it becomes too late to act/ask?

The fact is that it is not only possible to disagree with others without endangering your relationship, but the willingness to do so could put you on the fast track to success. What we tend to forget is that most relationships thrive on constructive feedback and the contribution of original ideas.

The key lies in why and how that disagreement is communicated. This tips can help you navigate those waters successfully

- Make sure you are disagreeing for the right reason: Too often, we disagree to compensate for our own lack of authority, without a good reason or an end goal in mind. Disagreements that have a valid context and add real value can be a big plus.
-Disagreeing is not about arguing but making an argument: framing disagreements as logical and thoughtful arguments in favor of a better approach to situations or  new ideas guarantees better reception.
Avoid attacking other people’s views or complaining and focus instead on making your own constructive points.
-Be passionate but not emotional. Arguments are more convincing when they are delivered with passion. The listener needs to feel that you genuinely care about your suggestions, believe in your perspective, and are willing to take ownership of it. But that doesn’t need to involve an excess of emotion, which can make you look hysterical and make others feel pressured. A clear, confident, and calm presentation will have the best impact.
-Speak in the same language: Some people are extreme sensers, they thrive on facts and data whereas others are more intuitive. Knowing your personality as opposed to others will help you relate better and communicate your argument more effectively. If you think in numbers, then a numerical argument might persuade you of a different viewpoint whereas a purely gut-based presentation will meet with instant skepticism, the same goes for others.

my submission would be that constructive confrontation is always right. Care should be taken that issues are not left to fester and blow up out of proportion. When in doubt, ask.

*reason, context and consideration - my most recent companions.