You break my heart, you do...

Break my heart with what breaks yours Lord!!!
I heard this phrase at a gathering of believers recently. It was an evening of worship.
Some were in tears, some others in varying positions of complete physical and emotional surrender.
In this gathering, i wasn't just a spectator, I had my own heavy bout of emotions, they hit me in waves of hurt, anger, frustration, misery, pain, helplessness.... I remember so clearly how desperate I was to be accepted, loved, cleansed, forgiven, helped, empowered.... I wanted to be totally branded by Gods love for me.
Though i couldn't shed a single tear, every beat of my heart that evening was desperately crying out to God, as though to make him see, hear and know how much I needed him, how much I had tried to do right, how much I still strive despite the contrary systems I find myself in daily. I would have given anything to give God a playback of some of my struggles...
At this point though, a consciousness hit me....I became aware of how totally stupid I was for thinking I could prove to God that my heart was in the right place and that its my flesh that won't let me 'drink my water and keep my cup in peace'.
I became aware of how pointless it is to try and report to him the corporate, contemporary and even religious or spiritual climate we all find ourselves and how they sometimes hinder our growth in the faith.
I suddenly remembered that HE IS GOD. He who made the eyes, whose spirit hovers over us all as if in constant marination - he knows all things, sees all things, is omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient.....HE SIMPLY IS!!! that was it. My desperation ebbed and I felt sweet peace, my nerves began to relax some.
And then I knew I wasn't alone. I knew God is just too 'Goddy' to trust that I could measure up to His mark on my own without his help.

Its was as though he was saying to me ' why do you think I gave up all I had? What do you think Jesus became flesh for? Do you really believe I just enjoy watching death by crucifixion? Was his sacrifice a show for me? An amusement of some sort?'
At this point, the free thinker in me had some questions. So i said to him, 'oya, Jehovah, lets compare notes. Bring me up to speed because i am not understanding. Why have you just been chilling and watching me till now?, did you absolutely need the drama?, me almost in tears? Hadn't you seen my heart all along? Did I have to put up a show for you just so you can see me broken?'
Hmmm, brethren and sisteren, there was absolute silence at this point. The music and instruments were still on, the assertive voice of the minister could still be heard over the microphone as he declared the spoken word over and over, with his words  deliberately chosen to reach our hearts and lead us to reach for Gods mercy and grace. But none of that registered with me. I was in the middle of what seemed like a court hearing with God. I had pleaded for mercy, I wanted him to know I choose LIFE, I choose HIM. If only he'll respond. I just couldn't grasp why I had been struggling for so long with all I had known of salvation.
Why did he have to condemn me when Christ had paid? Couldn't he just miraculously enable me to live victorious without my heart breaking?
E gba  mi fah, Jesu ti Ku, o ti ra emi mi pada, so why did God had to make me sorry for a sin that's been paid for?
Still no response!!!

And then my carelessness hit me square in the face. My 'gbese o kan mi' attitude. I realised He needed me involved. The condemnation was needed so I won't get anything twisted. So it could be clear that the work of grace was my only hope. I wont be forgetting this in a long time. What he did that day was to open my eyes, make me clearly aware of the nature of sin. I learnt how hopeless it is to try to play the blame game:
- My job requires that I lie ever so often
- There are friendly enemies everywhere so I am required to be strong and sometimes take laws into my hands
- There's so much injustice in the world, even in our religious systems, and I sometimes feel the urge to hurt the wicked in defence of the helpless.
Blah blah blah...
All of the above sound like justification to sometimes fall short right?
It sure appeals to a realist like me how impossible it is to keep all of the law given our anti-growth and far-from-enabling environment.
Hence the logical justification for the believer who has tried to beat the system, who has tried not to conform to it but has been beaten at every turn.

And at this point, some would entertain the thought of giving up the fight and joining the band wagon. Sounds much better than always being the odd man out, always going right when everyone else is taking the fun-ride left.
It sure would feel much better to forget the law all together. Condemnation is not a desirable thing and if that's all there is, we'd much rather leave Gods law in the pages of the bible than in our hearts, weighing on our conscience with no respite in sight.

But alas!!!..... There is hope. Some good news. Or, put more correctly, the only GOOD NEWS that exists- its that
Although God has perfection as a standard and he requires us to turn away from sin and its nature that seems binding on us, condemnation is not the end. Oh noooo. He requires us to be aware and consequently, feel remorse.
He requires that we do not irresponsibly wait on him to miraculously do the work for which He has blessed us with a conscience.
If we expect God to freely grant us 'bail' from the consequence of sin without first convicting us, we would be much better waiting on the devil himself to bring us our crown. Independent of our will and conscience, salvation would not be effective ... Ko ni work o
We need to know the poverty of the flesh, to study his precepts and become aware of our shortcomings, for us to fully grasp the hopelessness of living without the help of His spirit.
Faith in Christ will be of lip service only if you do not feel the need to hate sin - the need that's realized when we present ourselves before His word and let it pass through us as though to X-ray us. To instruct us in our judgement of right or wrong, to be our yardstick for discerning even though we will not be able, without his help, to keep all of his dictates......we need the knowing.

studying the word readies us for the goodness of Grace made available, free of all charges, except the charge of total and unwavering FAITH in Christ. But this journey begins with condemnation.  The books of Ezekiel, Daniel, Romans, Revelations - for instance - are great books that should make a growth-conscious believer humble enough and desperate enough to reach for Him and keep reaching. That's been my experience atleast

The book of Ezekiel  for instance (translated means 'God will strengthen and enable') is an x-ray of some sort, into our condition in the flesh. It teaches: repentance as a condition to salvation( ez. 18: 30-32), the freedom and responsibility of the individual soul before God( ez. 18: 20-32), the necessity of the new man- in heart and in spirit (ez. 11: 19, 18:31, 36:26). Most importantly, it depicts Gods plan for our redemption as complete in him and not in our efforts alone.

Another precedence that establishes the necessity for a believer to become fully aware of the poverty of the flesh is Paul's epistle to the Romans.
He first makes it clear that the Gentiles are condemned and then in chapter 2, that the Jews are also condemned. In chapter 3, he concludes that the whole world is condemned; and on this backdrop, haven made a mockery of self righteousness, written something close to a final year thesis on condemnation and portrayed the total hopelessness and helplessness of the Adamic nature, Paul began to paint the beautiful picture of justification.

As Ebele UzoPeters puts it, Paul summarises all he had been saying about condemnation in Romans 3:23 and everything he was going about to say about justification in 3:24.

Romans 3:23&24 therefore stand as the summary of the teaching on condemnation and the teaching of justification, and show their proper relationship. To understand those two verses is to understand Romans 1:18 - 5:10.

Its not enough to chant 'break my heart with what breaks yours lord' as though in a song or creed, we have to go further deliberately take responsibility enough to read the word and learn what breaks His heart.
So that when he gives us compassion for the helpless, the sick e.t.c, we know its a burden that should go beyond our negative feelings and translate to charity. When he shows us how pride has almost taken us over, the feeling of remorse will translate to an actual redress of actions and thought.

The word; that force that's powerful enough to show us our folly irrespective of our social, economic, political, corporate or relational standing, is Gods guarantee that no one should remain blinded or ignorant, not even by reason of positions conferred on us by mere men based on merit.
I have imagined, at times, the possibility of continuing in a wrong ignorantly with no one to give me a heads up or a warning and I know this has to be particularly true for people in positions of authority or leadership - where no one dares correct them, at least not to their hearing, for fear of slighting their office. But what a joy to know that God has it covered. His precepts are after all available to all.

So we study to rightly divide the word of truth so that we may clearly understand our need, in all things, to depend on his grace and the spirit's enablement.

Put differently, let His word break your heart and know that you are not alone or helpless. Then and only then can the work of Christ be wrought in you through faith.

Condemnation is not a monster but the beginning of our growth. Our love walk is made more effective when we let His word work in and through us continuously, shaping, pruning, correcting, instructing and guiding.

The growth conscious believer is not one satisfied with brief emotional encounters in church or content to feed only on the timed sermons squeezed between different events on Sunday mornings.

I have written more than I set out to share already so in concluding I'd say that I have tried to delicately sidestep the sensitive discussions on the doctrine of condemnation  and doctrine of justification as a work of GRACE alone.
And although there have been varying interpretations of these doctrines in recent times and various sects have taken their foundation from these doctrines, some taking one independently of the other, my take on it would be to be mindful lest our foundations be pulled from under us by preoccupation with doctrines. There is one Lord, one Son, one Spirit. The word is available to all and the spirit of God is not divided between doctrines, tribes and/or denominations.

Disclaimer:
The above is an experience shared, a lesson learned. Its not to be taken as a doctrine neither is it meant to instruct. I hope though, to establish the generality of our condition, to tell the growing believer that he is not alone, that his questions are not peculiar to him, that our faith works and the word of God is a  priceless resource - in its totality!!!