Relationships, Accountability and Confrontation

The fear of disagreeing in relationships is universal. Sadly though, there can be no improvement without confrontation. Even in the usually regimented corporate relationships, we all have to learn to be willing to express our opinions.
I was discussing with my friend of over 10yrs recently on this matter and we could not agree on the issue of confrontation.

These Nagging Questions Remained Unanswered:

1) Should you just walk away and assume character flaws are deliberate and can't be helped?

2) are there degrees/levels of shortcomings that can't be helped?

3) is your level of commitment directly proportional to the level of patience and tolerance you would have and your willingness to help others improve?

4)when should you confront?

5) if you should/must confront, how do you do it constructively?
- would you wait until you think you have all the facts? (Sensers would probably do but intuitives  would most likely prefer to get it out of the way)
-if yes, just how long do you wait till it becomes too late to act/ask?

The fact is that it is not only possible to disagree with others without endangering your relationship, but the willingness to do so could put you on the fast track to success. What we tend to forget is that most relationships thrive on constructive feedback and the contribution of original ideas.

The key lies in why and how that disagreement is communicated. This tips can help you navigate those waters successfully

- Make sure you are disagreeing for the right reason: Too often, we disagree to compensate for our own lack of authority, without a good reason or an end goal in mind. Disagreements that have a valid context and add real value can be a big plus.
-Disagreeing is not about arguing but making an argument: framing disagreements as logical and thoughtful arguments in favor of a better approach to situations or  new ideas guarantees better reception.
Avoid attacking other people’s views or complaining and focus instead on making your own constructive points.
-Be passionate but not emotional. Arguments are more convincing when they are delivered with passion. The listener needs to feel that you genuinely care about your suggestions, believe in your perspective, and are willing to take ownership of it. But that doesn’t need to involve an excess of emotion, which can make you look hysterical and make others feel pressured. A clear, confident, and calm presentation will have the best impact.
-Speak in the same language: Some people are extreme sensers, they thrive on facts and data whereas others are more intuitive. Knowing your personality as opposed to others will help you relate better and communicate your argument more effectively. If you think in numbers, then a numerical argument might persuade you of a different viewpoint whereas a purely gut-based presentation will meet with instant skepticism, the same goes for others.

my submission would be that constructive confrontation is always right. Care should be taken that issues are not left to fester and blow up out of proportion. When in doubt, ask.

*reason, context and consideration - my most recent companions.

The mothering cycle

Dear Mother, 

         Please,  stop teaching your daughter that it's her job to fix her man! Who will fix her, when she is busy fixing another?
      
         Momma, stop telling her that she's the home builder! Tell her that she will work hand in hand with her husband to build her home.

Our society today is littered with over-burdened wives, mothers,  sisters and daughters.  They are wearied,  they are stressed and drained,  from having to fix themselves and as well fix an adult who ought to be fixing himself and fixing things around the house.

Look around you,  you've succeeded in raising strong daughters and weak sons.... Sons who grew to become nonchalant men,  men who rather feast while the women work.

Ma'am,  teach your son that it's his job to provide for his family,  totally,  exclusively,  that way,  he won't expect his woman to share family responsibilities with him.
When such expectations aren't there,  he will very much appreciate any input she makes.

Teach your son that he's the sole protector of his home,  that will make him not run off to chase pleasure with the idea that "my wife will handle it".

Mama, teach your son that loving his wife is a daily affair,  and he must make her feel loved,  in every sense of the word....

Dad,  make your son understand that he's not done anything for his children,  until he loves their mother fully.

Papa,  raise your son,  by loving his mother purely... When he sees you doing it right,  he will do it more right in his marriage.

Daddy, teach your son never to depend on a woman.  That way,  he will never look at a woman as his support,  he will put in all his best to be there for his family.

Mom and Dad,  raise your sons,  to be the picture of the husbands you desire for your daughters!